Member Safety

Boundaries and Consequences | Do's and Dont's | Yourself You Can Change | Beware | Personal Safety Questions | Nar-Anon Literature

Meeting Safety

Meeting Safety | Support a member in crisis during a virtual meeting | Suggestions for a virtual meeting host | Research

If you are experiencing a crisis or in need of urgent care, please call your emergency services number (911 in the USA), or go directly to the nearest emergency room or police station.

Nar-Anon is not a replacement for professional services, but we offer support. The following items of Nar-Anon literature have been helpful to us. We hope these samples will help you in a time of crisis.

Boundaries on physical, verbal, or mental abuse are not negotiable. We deserve to be treated with respect and dignity. We honor ourselves by not allowing others to mistreat us. Boundaries are helpful in all our relationships.

It is essential we communicate our boundaries and their consequences calmly and clearly. A healthy boundary is set without anger or resentment and is always communicated to others who may be affected by our decisions. Discussing our boundaries with them may help create unity. This may make it easier to set a boundary with confidence, knowing we will not be alone if conflicts arise. If possible, communication should happen when the addict is in a receptive frame of mind and not under the influence of drugs.

Have I clearly stated the consequences for overstepping my boundary? Non-fulfillment of a stated consequence is usually viewed by the addict as a sign of weakness and a signal to continue breaking the boundary. Applying the Twelve Steps of Nar-Anon and setting boundaries is likely to result in an improvement to our lives and relationships

© Copyright Nar-Anon Family Groups Headquarters, Inc. This is an extract from the Boundaries and Consequences pamphlet ©

Do: Note the effect the addict has on each member of the family.

Don’t: Nag, argue, lecture or recall past mistakes.

Don’t: Overlook the growth opportunities of a crisis.

Don’t: Underestimate the importance of release with love.

© Copyright Nar-Anon Family Groups Headquarters, Inc.These writings are a sample of the Do's and Don'ts section in An Open Letter to My Family pamphlet ©

"I spent seven years trying desperately to hang on to my life and sanity. By the time I finally reached out for help and discovered Nar-Anon, I was very close to both murder and suicide. Like a drug addict, I had to reach a bottom that was so painful and humiliating that I could not go on without help from my Higher Power. A good friend in recovery took me to my first meeting and the people I met there told me to keep coming back."

© Copyright Nar-Anon Family Groups Headquarters, Inc. From the Nar-Anon SESH on February 8.

Regarding Violence: It is our responsibility to keep ourselves and our children physically and legally safe.

Physically Safe: Although we often hear it said in the program to not make any decisions until you have been in the program for at least six months, this does not apply if a situation is abusive or violent.

Legally Safe: Covering up drug activity of others... can have serious legal consequences for ourselves and our custody of our minor children.

© Copyright Nar-Anon Family Groups Headquarters, Inc. This is an extract from the Beware page in the Nar-Anon Progress Not Perfection Journal ©

Sometimes we are so acclimated to a situation that we do not realize our lives have become unmanageable. Using this checklist can raise awareness. This is a personal worksheet. There are no right or wrong answers.

It may be helpful to share what we find with a trusted person such as a sponsor, fellow member, therapist, or other professional. We share only what we are ready to share.

• Verbal - Did I feel intimidated by yelling or angry voices?

• Physical - Has anyone hit me?

• Weapon - Has a weapon been displayed to intimidate me?

• Verbal - Have I or my loved one verbally threatened to leave?

• Physical - Have I started planning in case I need to leave?

• Weapon - Have I applied for a restraining or protective order?

• Verbal - Did I feel manipulated by my loved one's words?

• Physical - Was I pressured or manipulated to do something against my will?

• Weapon - Was I manipulated by threats with a weapon?

© Copyright Nar-Anon Family Groups Headquarters, Inc. These writings are a sample of the Personal Safety Questions from the Nar-Anon Fourth Step Inventory Workbook ©

• See the Personal Safety checklist in the 4th Step Workbook - A collection of Inventories

• See the Beware page in the introduction to the Progress not Perfection Journal

• Read the Boundaries and Consequences pamphlet and read it again

• See the Do's and Don'ts section in the An Open Letter to My Family pamphlet

• Check the online version of the 20 Questions - Is Nar-Anon for Me?

Downloadable screen share PowerPoint

Downloadable printable table cards (PDF)

For more information about this effort, view the "Safety Project" page

“In dealing with the addiction of a family member or friend, we may have experienced inappropriate behavior. We have learned through our meetings we no longer have to accept inappropriate behavior, threats, or intimidation; this is especially true in our rooms. A Nar-Anon meeting should always be a safe place for its members. Tradition One reminds us “Our common welfare should come first; personal progress for the greatest number depends on unity.” A group cannot have unity if the meetings are disruptive or members are not comfortable sharing.”

“What might make a member feel uncomfortable or perhaps even unsafe?” Crosstalk, breaking a member’s anonymity, religious or political discussions, inappropriate sharing, taking pictures, recording a meeting or taking copious notes, sexual advances, and violent versus passionate outbursts.

© Copyright Nar-Anon Family Groups Headquarters, Inc. This is an extract from the Nar-Anon Inappropriate and Disruptive Behavior booklet.

Support a member in crisis during a virtual meeting

There have been times when a member in a crisis has joined a meeting with worrisome chaos in the background. Sometimes the greatest priority is the immediate safety of the member. Especially with virtual meetings, we may have no idea where to send help, even if we could. Muting the chaos denies that member the support they need. An alternative is to use a breakout room.

The “Breakout rooms” button is in the toolbar at the bottom of the screen or in the MORE section, though it is only visible to the meeting host.

Meeting hosts should be able to open a breakout room and assign three members to that room - the member in crisis and two members willing to help. These members will each need to accept the invitation to join the breakout room. Once in the breakout room, the supporting members can listen or chat as the member in crisis needs. The supporting members can provide a non-judgmental view of the situation and help the in-crisis member decide which action best promotes personal safety - to stay or leave their location. We don’t judge or tell anyone whether to take action, but we can share our own experience.There is always the option that the member in crisis can ask the supporting members to call the authorities. However, members in crisis may not be ready to make a change.

There is a great section in the Nar-Anon Fourth Step Workbook called “Personal Safety Questions”. We can read through those questions with the member who is in crisis, increasing their awareness. Awareness, after all, is the first of the three A’s - awareness, acceptance, and action.

Another relevant reading is “Beware,” on the first page of the Progress Not Perfection Journal. That reading reminds us about the importance of personal safety for ourselves and for our families.

In summary: a breakout room can provide a place to listen and maybe talk. Reading literature can help us realize we are not alone, find safety, and contemplate change. Support can then be offered.

Suggestions for a virtual meeting host

Scenario

A member is actively participating in a virtual Nar-Anon meeting when their addicted loved one enters the space, yelling and badgering them, disrupting the meeting. This script equips the host with steps to manage the situation while maintaining a safe, supportive environment.

Objectives

• Ensure the safety and emotional well-being of all members.

• Maintain meeting structure and adherence to Nar-Anon principles.

• Respond with empathy, neutrality, and firmness.

• Minimize disruption while supporting the affected member.

• Educating a host on the tools of a virtual platform to manage disruptions.

• Script for Handling the Disruption (PDF)

Research

Sample literature from other fellowships we can review while working on this project:

Safety Card for A.A. Groups